Big news came out today that Darren Young, a WWE superstar, was gay.

Let me restate that. Darren Young, a WWE superstar, is gay.

Actually, let me try that again. Darren Young is a WWE superstar. He’s a lower to mid card wrestler who’s part of a Tag Team called the Prime Time Players.

Guess which of the previous three statements matters to me? If you guessed either of the first two, you’d be wrong.

I’m a straight male who loves sports, specifically Nascar Racing, Baseball and Pro wrestling (yes I KNOW the matches are pre determined… they are still amazing athletes). Apparently last night, Darren Young “came out” and admitted that he was gay.

My question is this. Why does it have to be so difficult for people to be themselves instead of a shell of who they really are? Society is messed up.

When I was growing up in school, I quite often was picked on, called gay or forms of that. I have no idea why, except for the fact that I never had a girlfriend while in school and I was an easy target that people knew that I wouldn’t fight back. Did I like girls? Hell yeah! Was I attracted to them? Without a doubt! Did I have a shy/worried about rejection issue? Bingo..

The thing that bothered me the most was that I was being picked on, not that I was being called gay or whatever. I always minded my own business but people could never just let me be.

I just don’t get why people are so insecure that using the word Gay or a form of it, in there minds, is a way they can hurt someone. If they go up to a gay guy and say you’re straight… do you honestly think they would bat an eyelash?

People should be able to live there lives the way they want to. As long as there not hurting themselves or others, who the hell cares?

I think it’s awesome that Darren Young did what he did, but not of what he admitted, rather that he got passed a barrier that so many people unnecessarily build up. I honestly don’t think anyone expressing who they are should make the news.

I’m proud of the WWE for right away standing behind Darren but again, I don’t get why he needs to be backed up. I know it’s an issue that I’m glad he will have support for, but I can’t wait for this world to get to a place where everyone of whatever sexual orientation can live openly, freely and happily. I sure hope it’s during my lifetime.

Be who you want to be, live your life the way that makes you happy. Don’t hide who you are, if people can’t accept you the way you are, they aren’t worth your time or breath.

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I used to make cassette tapes when I was younger pretending that I was on the radio being a DJ. I haven’t heard them in years, but I’m sure if I listened to them now, I would cringe.

I don’t know what it was about radio, but I wanted to be on it. I think part of it was I wanted to be a star somewhere in the entertainment business, even from a young age.

I haven’t yet made it to hosting on the radio, but I now work with one of the best.

Back in August of 2001, radio personality John Saville and I crossed paths. He’s friends of a friend of my dads and he found out that I wanted to become a mobile DJ. After talking to him and going out with him to a few gigs, I bought some equipment and was ready to go on my own…

My first gig was an after party for a Madison acting group… It was from Midnight to 2 AM. Talk about jumping right in with a challenging gig… I will admit, the next day I thought this wasn’t for me. I was exhausted and even though it was decent for a first gig, I really doubted myself.

Fast forward twelve years, I have had countless gigs, the amount of weddings I’ve DJed is in the triple digits.. I have performed in CT, RI, MA, and NY and the thought of how many people I have played music for boggles my mind. Over the last few years I have also acquired gigs on my own which I am very proud of.

It may not be on the radio, but it certainly is the next best thing. Being able to create memories for people, many of those on there most special days, seeing smiles and at the end of the event being told they had a great time… it makes it all worth it.

So a big thanks to John Saville for starting me on this journey more then a decade ago and looking forward to where this crazy ride goes from here.

Well… hello there.

It’s been roughly eight months since I posted and I’m about to come out of the woodwork.

I love to write, I always have, ever since I was a little boy writing stories on my mom’s typewriter, I loved to create things with my words. From poems to scripts, writing has always interested me.

As much as I love to write, I feel like I am a bad blogger. Not necessarily bad at writing blogs, but bad at being in the blogging community.  

I have a 8-5 job Monday through Friday that usually lasts longer then those hours, I have an hour worth of driving each day that usually ends up more like an hour and a half total, then I get home and I get to be dad to a wonderful son and a husband to a wonderful wife. By the time the boy goes to bed, which has lately been around 8:15 or so, I get to start thinking about dinner. Nine o’clock comes and my creative juices stop flowing which frustrates me to no end because I WANT to be creative. So I’m going to change that and figure out a way to stop letting time/tiredness get in the way of blogging.

That doesn’t change the fact though that I am bad at being a part of the blogging community. I am very bad at reading others blogs, as interesting as they may be, I just can’t seem to focus. So, for anyone that reads my blog that I don’t return the favor, I thank you and apologize. I think that was a big reason why I stopped blogging back in December. I read somewhere that it was basically bad protocol to write a blog, publish it, and not read others. The blogging community is amazing place and I will do my best to do better at participating further then just posting my blog.

The other reason I stopped posting was the topics I was blogging about were heavy. Every time I posted I felt drained and spent. The thought of writing another blog the next day or even a couple days later seemed incredibly hard because I was looking at each of my previous topics and it psyched me out thinking I couldn’t come up with something nearly as important as the blog I just wrote.

That is going to change. For the most part. I’m still going to write about powerful topics and deep topics, but there will be other blogs about random things that I’m just interested in and will feel like throwing them out there and seeing what sticks.

Speaking of powerful subjects, my blogging habits aren’t the only thing that’s going to change. I’m going to be making some big lifestyle changes to get healthier. I look at pictures of me just ten years ago, which, I realize life was completely different then.. I didn’t have a full time job, was living at home, no girlfriend let alone no child, so I could easily go to work and then go to the gym at 10 pm or whatever. I lost a lot of weight and felt the best I had in my life. That’s my goal again, or at least getting close to it. I will be talking about that in my blog and being brutally honest. I started a facebook page to go along with that journey which I will post once I have a plan in place for myself.

As I wrap up this blog, something on the lighter side of things. My son the other morning came into my wife’s and my room and wanted us to get up. My wife was getting up and getting dressed and my son says, and I quote, “Come on Down! Hee Hee, that’s like the price is right.. I love that show!”

I couldn’t stop from laughing in my half asleep state. I absolutely loved that show growing up and I still caught it until we got rid of cable 3 years ago. It’s not the same with Drew Carey but it’s still a fun show. I just love that my son who will be four in December loves a show that I grew up on.

Well that’s it for now. I hope to be back sooner rather then later. For those who have read my blog from the beginning and are still here, thank you! For those who are stumbling upon it for the first time, please hang with me, I will hopefully be presenting a blog that you will look forward to reading. 

So I know I have been off the blogging path for a few weeks. I fully intend to be more regular, but I need to write tonight. I know I haven’t posted much and a couple of the blogs have been quite heavy. Well, this won’t be different. I promise I do have fun/happy things to talk about and will blog about, but tonight isn’t the night.

What happened today in my home state, my beautiful, charming, little state.. Is unthinkable. I am a father of a just turned 3 year old and my feeling today at work, not being with him when news was coming in that 20 children and 6 adults were killed, I felt so helpless. I had to call him during break, just to hear his voice.

I honestly can not put into words of how aweful I feel for the parents and anyone effected from this tragedy.

How can one person, one sick, twisted individual, be so freaking selfish? 20 KIDS! Kids are so innocent! You take these beautiful souls away from the world and then you supposedly turn the gun on yourself. COWARD! These kids had NO WAY to prepare for anything like this. You come into there school, a place where they should feel just as safe as home, and you RIP AWAY there dreams, there hopes, EVERYTHING that they had ahead of them. Not to mention ripped the hearts out of the parents, anyone who knew these children. Waste of a human being. A pathetic, no good, WASTE! If your so angry at the world, if your life is so f’d up that you don’t want to continue on, fine, do what you need to do. I just last month wrote a whole post about suicide and I know I may be contradicting some things I said there, but this is an extreme case. DON’T TAKE YOUR PAIN OUT ON KIDS! I’m not saying the loss of the adults is any better, it obviously isn’t, but my god, 20 kids! It’s so insane to think about.

I graduated in 1999. When I was in school, I had never had to deal with tragedy with my fellow classmates until my Junior year. One Sunday, word spread that a Freshman in our school was working on his boat when it fell off the blocks that was holding them up, it fell on him and he died. The next day, when I heard about it, I was sad, but I didn’t have that FEELING. That grief feeling. I went home that night and I talked to my Grandpa Sam, the name sake of my son, and I asked him why I didn’t have that feeling that I saw so many feeling that day. He told me I wouldn’t feel it until it happened to someone I truly knew.

How true he was, when hours later, I found out that a classmate of mine had died of an aesthma attack earlier that day. I was so upset, I wasn’t close friends with her, but I grew up with her. It was the first true feeling of helplessness I felt as a child. The next day in school, it was so insanely quiet. Half the school was at a funeral for the Freshman who died two days earlier, and the rest of the students at the school were grieving over the loss of my classmate. Her death hit me hard. I felt selfish how hard it hit me, seeing that I wasn’t close friends with her. I couldn’t help it though. Her funeral was amazing, the church completely full, overflowing to the outside. Her sister and her brother spoke, and at the end, they played LeAnn Rimes How Do I live. I lost it. Completely lost it. I was on the ground crying, hard to breathe. I was 17 at this time, dealing with the loss of someone I knew since I was the age of these innocent kids taken today.

The next year was our senior year and toward the end was when Columbine happened. For the last couple months that I was in school, there would be cops every day at school checking bags etc. There was one day a bomb scare was called in but it was a hoax. Then, I graduated.

I in no way write these memories to take away anything of what happened today. It was just the only possible things I could compare to feeling sadness in a school setting. I just can not wrap my mind around any of this. None of these kids deserved this. I was 17 when my classmates died, and neither was in such a manner as what happened today. I was 17, it hurt like hell but I could also understand what happened.

How in the world will these parents be able to send there kids back to school telling them all that everything will be fine? I don’t think any parent in this world seeing what happened today can feel that way. My wife now wants to home school our son. I don’t know if it’s pure reaction from what happened today, but I can’t blame her. On the other hand, I know that he needs to socialize and be with other kids. It’s amazing how one selfish person can change the view of millions of peoples lives in such a short time.

This was big. There’s no way around it, this was big. Our state is hurting tonight. I have the same feeling I had back when I was in school and I lost a classmate. I feel selfish. I didn’t know any of these kids that died today, I didn’t know any of the adults… Heck, I hardly know much about the town of Newtown, but yet I feel crushed. I feel the pain in our state.

I truly believe there is a God, but I again go back to when I found out I lost a classmate and I question why. Why would something like this happen to such innocent children. Why? I beilieve in you, I KNOW you exist because of things that have happened in my life, but WHY!? I can’t believe that it was there path or there destiny for all there lives to end today. I won’t stop beilieving, but please give a reason to, a sign, anything. I just don’t get it.

I know I need to get to bed and it’s going to be hard enough getting to sleep with all this on my mind, but I needed to vent. I’m not going to re read this or edit, I’m just going to post. Christmas is the happiest time of the year, but this years going to be tough. Who would have thought this morning this would have happened? I am going to do my best to make this a wonderful Christmas for my son, who thank god has no idea what happened today. I so badly pray and send my most positive thoughts to all the families effected today and most importantly, to the children that have to move on and realize that people ARE GOOD, that just a select few are BAD. That love is so strong, yet hate can be stronger. Loving together though can beat out hate. I’m so proud to be from a state that tonight showed so much unity, so proud to be from a country that I can tell is grieving with our state.

If no one reads this, at least it helped to get thoughts out, for anyone that does read this, I will be blogging more positive things in the future, and god do I look forward to it.

I absolutely love family gatherings. It’s sad that we only see each other a couple times a year, but when we do, it’s always fun.

I always enjoy the time I share with family, but whenever holidays come around, I can’t help but think of holidays in the past. They bring up such warm, happy memories. They also make me miss loved ones that are no longer with us.

The one person that jumps out first always is my Grandpa Sam. He was the heartbeat of my moms side of the family. He was Jewish, so we celebrated holidays like Passover and Hanukkah in addition to holidays that seemingly all Americans celebrate like Fourth of July and Thanksgiving. My Grandpa Sam also loved Halloween. He was such a wonderful man and such a loving one to. Words can’t describe the feeling when I went to his house, especially for holidays, but trust me, it was warm. It gave you that fuzzy feeling all over.. Today being Thanksgiving, back when the whole family got together at his house, the table would be filled with all sorts of foods, images like you see in magazines and movies.. You never left his house anything else other then full.

My son is named after him. Even though he’s only about to turn three, I see the same love in him that I did in my grandfather.

I could go on and on about countless family events in the past, but I will save those for another day. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember what matters most!

So there have been quite a few times that I have reached this point, where I start typing in my wordpress dashboard.. yet I then go off and do something and days pass and I start over. So I am going to make this short so I actually post something!

I’ve noticed that I seem to want to write deep personal topics but if nothings going on really, I don’t feel the passion or drive to write. I’m not sure if it’s writers block or what.. so to you more seasoned bloggers, I ask you.. especially the ones that can crank out a blog or two a day… How do you do it? Do you have a notebook with ideas for blogs? Does something just jump into your head and you start to write?

Any tips would be appreciated..

Before I begin today’s post, I just wanted to say a couple things.

1. I appreciate all the feedback I have gotten so far. It is awesome to be a part of such a great community.

2. As you can tell, I most likely won’t be one of those bloggers that posts every day. Hopefully as time goes on I will be more frequent.

3. My post today is a pretty deep subject. It may be long, it may contain rambling, and for that I apologize.

I have DJed for over 11 years. I have done countless weddings, Christmas parties, and school dances. Each one of the events is special in it’s own way. It is a great second business on the side. However, some of the most rewarding events I have been a part of have been fundraisers for worth while causes.

Last year, I DJed a walk for Autism Awareness. A few weeks ago, my classmate who I haven’t seen in over 13 years, asked me if I would donate my time to DJ for an event that took place today. I let her know I would check my calendar and if it was open, I would be happy to be there for her. I checked my calendar and I had it open, so I told her I would be there.

What I was asked to be apart of was the first Connecticut Shoreline Out of Darkness walk to bring awareness to suicide prevention.

The event was supposed to take place on a beach on the shoreline of Connecticut. Unfortunately, in the wake of Hurricane/super storm/pain in the butt Sandy, the beach and most parks in Connecticut were closed. Luckily, with just a couple days before the walk, they were able to secure a new location in Guilford Connecticut.

The turn out was tremendous, especially for it being the first year of the event and also with the change of location just a couple days before the event. The group raised over $16,000! That is amazing! Such a great job by everyone.

I was there to play music to pump people up and keep them motivated while they walked. It felt like a very small thing to do, especially when the other staff had done so much more to raise the money that was raised. I felt very honored though to be there and help make the day the success that it was.

Suicide is such a sad subject. There is no answers to it. Many people are left asking questions that will never be answered after something like that happens. One of the biggest is why? Sometimes there is a note left, but other then some words written on paper, there is usually such a deeper reason.

I have never been touched directly of anyone that I know by suicide. I feel lucky. However, I know there are so many that have been. Around 100 turned out today to celebrate the lives of ones that have touched them and to spread the word of such a sad situation.

Growing up, I was picked on, A LOT. I don’t think there was a day that would go by that someone wouldn’t say a hurtful word toward me or just pick on me in general for various things. Many days I would end up getting off the bus, barely holding it together before letting the tears flow when I got inside. I was shy, I never had a lot of friends.. I think biggest of all though, they just knew I wouldn’t fight back and I was an easy target.

As tough as my childhood was at school, I never once had the thought that I couldn’t go on. Let me preface by saying that I am in no way saying that I am stronger or better then anyone that has had those thoughts or has gone through with suicide. I just never had those thoughts. A big reason for that, I believe, is that I had such a good home growing up. I had two parents that loved me, I had a few good friends*, and I grew up with a great, loving family.

I can’t stress enough how important it is at the end of the day to hug your children if you have them, hug your parents if you live with them or any time you see them, and just in general show love for each other. It’s such a powerful feeling. It truly can get you through so many of life’s toughest challenges.

I’ve always been a positive person. Even in the most shitty of situations, there is always two ways to look at things. Positively and negatively. I’m not quite sure why, for the most part, I always looked at the positives. I’m scared to think of what might have been if I didn’t.

I can already tell I am going down a road that I could ramble about this for another 3 or 4 pages, so I’m going to tighten it up. I didn’t want to make this post as a woes me about my past or preach about things, but it is a very serious subject. If anyone stumbles upon this and has been effected by suicide, I am so sorry. If anyone looks at this and has had or has thoughts of Suicide, please know there are better days ahead. Talk to someone, get any type of help that you might need. There is NO shame in saying that you need help. If you have no one else to turn to, message me. I’ve always been a good listener and sometimes it’s easier to tell someone you don’t know what’s on your mind. I promise not to judge.

Life is so important, it’s so precious. I notice it more and more every day that I look at my son. Now I’m not only living my life for myself, but also for my wife and especially my son.

As I typed this there were other things I wanted to say but between being tired and my son wanting the computer, I decided to close this blog. I probably won’t revisit the subject for at least a year, when the next walk happens, but I appreciate you reading and look forward to making the next blog a much happier one.

*As I was typing this, it amazes me how at one point in your life, you really think you only have a few friends, when in reality, you do have friends that you just may never hang out with or talk to. Growing up I never hung out with a ton people and I had a core group of 3 or 4 friends. I would never have charachterize myself as popular. Now though, with the advent of social media, I currently have a little more then 350 friends on facebook. 350. That boggles my mind. Some are co workers, some are former co workers, a very select few are famous personalities.. For the most part though, probably close to 250 or so, are people I grew up with. That’s pretty powerful for someone that for most of his time growing up, felt he didn’t really have many friends. I don’t talk to them every day or even every month, but to know we are all intertwined and stay in contact via pictures, status updates and even blogs.. but it just shows that if you think you’re alone, you’re not. Just because someone doesn’t talk to you or hang with you, doesn’t mean they don’t care or wouldn’t be there for you if need be.